I know it's cliche, but I remember meeting you like it was yesterday. I just turned 19 and you were that "bad boy" I was always destined to fall for. Everyone warned me. Even your own mother warned me about you. They all said you couldn't be tamed and I just wanted to prove them wrong. It didn't take long, but I actually did start to tame you. We took like ten steps forward, but before I knew it we took about one hundred steps back. That's when I realized, broken souls are not meant to be fixed. I was not put on this earth to fix the unfix-able. This wasn't some romantic movie, this was life. My life.
Over the next four years, our ups and downs became more and more dramatic and eventually I became the one that needed to be saved.
I was consumed by nothing but negativity and you got me to believe that I needed to be rescued. Every morning I woke up drowning deeper and deeper, looking for your hand to pull me up. But you were never going to rescue me, were you? All you did was push me deeper below the surface. I couldn't breath, I really couldn't. That was when I realized the only hand I needed was my own.
Looking back, I should have realized all of this sooner, but your manipulation,and lies left me blind.
I don't hate you. I could never hate you. Are you a good person? Absolutely not. But I am, and I deserve to know something other than that distorted version of love you brought into my life. To this day I know you still think you never did anything wrong. So, if you ever wanted to ask yourself about the living nightmare you created, think of this...
Think of me leaving for class twenty minutes early just to go the long way so no one would see me. You told me if people were looking at me, that meant I was putting myself out there and I shouldn't do that. Think of me waiting for the bus and letting three pass before I actually got on because I was too afraid to sit in a bus full of other students. Think of me trying to take a deep breath for almost three years and not being able to because I was constantly walking on eggshells with you.
But finally, I want you to think of me happy and at peace. The person I have become. Confident and full of life. Thank you for creating such a dark and emotionally ruined girl. I truly thank you. I no longer have to seek validation from others because I know I am not worthless. I have never been worthless. While you were the worst thing that has ever happened to me (and this is coming from a girl who couldn't walk when she was 16 and got diagnosed with an incurable chronic illness), you were also the best.
I hope one day you are happy too. I hope one day you realize that in order to make your life brighter, you don't have to make someone's life darker.
The girl you inspired to make an Instagram account after you broke her heart into a million pieces
The Inspiration, My Ex
September 5, 2016
August 14, 2016
How to live your 20s (or any time of your life) to the fullest