The Narcissist Games
Taylor Swift’s new album brought up a lot of old feelings and memories if you ask me. To be honest, I dont think it’s as great as her 1989 album was, but it’s pretty damn addicting. “I Did Something Bad” hit me right in the face the first time I heard it. “I never trust a narcissist, but they love me. So I play ‘em like a violin, and make it look oh-so-easy” those opening lines caught my attention and I was all ears, heart, and soul. (Mostly because I’m the one who ends up looking oh-so-easy) After listening to it on repeat a few times I realized I releated way too well. Why have all my past romances and flings seemed to be with narcissists? I’ve been told they pray on empaths like myself, but there has to be something else. Maybe I am a little addicted to the “haha, made ya look!” feeling when you realize you made a narcissist feel something.
My first encounter with a true narcissist was my last relationship which truthfully scarred me for life, well at least for the past three years. When I first met him I just thought he was immature, which he was, but it went deeper than that. His selfishness left me feeling completely alone even when he was laying right next to me. I’m not saying all narcissists are cheaters, but I would bet that majority of male cheaters are narcissists. Him also being a sociopath made his actions really sloppy and I would typically find out right away, but then he would turn this undeniable charm on that I seriously could not resist. When I think about it now he actually offered me nothing; what was it about him, a narcissist, that made me become entirely brainwashed?
The second true narcissist I became close to was never an actual relationship, but I learned a lot so it’s definitely worth mentioning. Right after become single for the first time in about four years I meet this guy, right? He’s attractive and charming, right? A little too charming if you ask me, but I played along. I never met anyone who talked about themselves so much to the point where things would go off in to tangents about events that never happened. But still, I played along even when I heard he was 100% certain I would say yes to a date, which I did. That date didn’t last long. I don’t know if it was that he was still obsessed that 8 years ago he was captain of his high school’s football team or that he actually looked in a mirror and said, “God Damn, I’m attractive” that made my phone ring with my friend having a fake emergency so I could leave asap. Whichever it was I’m super thankful because the last time my best friend saw him she said he reminded her of the Spence Pratt meme holding a crystal looking as disheveled as a sewer rat leaving Coachella.
“But he didn’t say he was definitely going to come out”, “maybe he’ll call later”, “well, he did kinda lie and say his girls was a dude and they were just chillen” are just a few excuses I would give my friends when it came to the final narcissist on this list. In this one I ignored all the flags, but consciously knew I was doing so. Maybe I’ve gotten wiser, who knows? Anyway, as TSwift sang, “And I let them think they saved me. They never see it comin', what I do next. This is how the world works, you gotta leave before you get left”. It turned into a game where I pretended to give a rats ass about all the boring things he said about himself ( because all he talked about was himself ) and I would get free drinks on the weekends.
Narcissists have broken my heart into a million pieces, but they have also taught me that I am not special as harsh as that sounds. I’m honestly grateful for that because it humbled me. They also taught me what I deserve in a relationship, romantic or not; and kissing your biceps after kissing me is not what I deserve.